I Want Them to Soar…

Hello Beautiful People,

Today was not a good day.

In fact, today was a no good very bad day.

Actually, today…sucked.

Today was a day that cannot be put into words. Today was a day that hurts your insides.  It hurts your heart. It hurts your bones. It hurts your soul. Today I buried a student. A student who I adored.  Today, I went to a funeral home, to say goodbye to one of my kids. This kid, he was a troublemaker for sure.  But, he was like Dennis the Menace.  He caused trouble, but he had a heart of gold.  The only time I’ve ever had a fight in one of my classrooms was because of this boy.  And, it was because another student was cursing at me, posturing at me, looking to hit me.  And my boy, he told the kid to stop. And he wouldn’t. And one punch was thrown.  And while I’m not condoning violence, that ‘s the type of kid my boy was, he defended those who needed it, he defended honor, he defended justice. His heart was always in the right place. 

And oh, my heart hurts just touching these keys right now…

…it hurts a whole lot.

Because this boy, this sweet, sweet, sweet, boy…he’s gone. There’s so much he’ll never see…so much he’ll never do…so much he’ll never feel…so many places he’ll never go…and oh, how it kills me. This boy, he was not perfect, but then again, who is? But this boy, he was a kid…

…Just a kid.

And if we’re not allowed to screw up when we’re young, then there’s trouble, no? For youth should be the time when we can fall, when we can crash & burn, and hopefully, the time when we learn from our actions.  Youth is the grey area where we make decisions.  When we choose a path of productivity, or, a path of production.

If you’ve been reading these stories at The Write Teacher(s), you know that I teach a group of difficult kids.  If you’re new to our corner of the web, I’ll recap. I teach the “troubled” students.  The difficult ones.  The students that many, many, many people do not want to deal with.  My kids are former high school drop-outs, teenage parents, recovering drug addicts, struggling drug addicts, emancipated minors…and the list goes on.  Teaching them has never been easy. Ever. But oh, it’s the best thing in the world. Just as I push them to be the best version of themselves, they push me to be the best teacher, mentor, and person that I can be. They have so much heart, so much spirit, so much energy…it just takes a little practice getting them to redirect it in a positive manner. 

Let me clear, I’m not trying to sugarcoat the program that I teach; it’s hard, it gives me an unending amount of stress, and more gray hair than I care to count. 

But, there’s nothing like being there for the moment when your kid, your student, sheds his/her demons and realizes the greatness in themselves.  There’s nothing like watching them reach their greatest potential. There’s nothing like seeing them know that they are worth loving, worth fighting for, worth believing in. 

Nothing.

And yet, sometimes, like today, the demons win.

And I have to hope that the memory and the legacy of this boy will be a reminder to the rest of my kids…to think before they act, to understand that they are not superman, and that it can all be over in the blink of an eye. I hope they will learn to let go of the weights that pull them down. I hope they will learn to know their limits.  I hope they will learn to see beyond their immediate surroundings, I hope they will learn to look to the future. I hope that they will learn to know that there is so much good out there, despite the darkness, despite the hate…there is good, and that you can never go wrong with goodness, with light, with love. I hope they will learn to know what love means. To love themselves. To love one another. I hope they will learn to break free of the circumstances they were born into, and I hope they learn to fly.  I want them to reach beyond their fingertips and chase the sunrise and sunset. Because I want them to fly, hell I want them to soar.  

I want them to soar.

My boy, I hope you rest easy. I hope you have peace. I hope you’re in a better place.  I hope you know that there were so many people who loved you when you alive, and will continue to love you even though you are gone.

Live, Love, Learn,

Megan